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A Letter To Gilbert’s Punk Ass


Dear Gilbert Arenas,

I’ve read your recent commentary in which you tried to degrade and berate our beautiful brown chocolate sista by the name of Lupita Nyong’o. And I must say, you have a lot of gawd damn nerve.

Never mind the fact that your name is “Gilbert” which pretty much bans you from providing commentary on anything and everything in the history of ever, but there’s also the fact that your ass is about attractive as a project roach in a tuxedo dipped in Issey Mayake cologne.

Sure you’re entitled to your opinion. But rather than allowing yourself to simply be unattracted to Lupita or keeping your wack ass comments to yourself, you decided that calling her “ugly fat girl” and rating her a “3 with blue water and blue blockers on” would be the best option. Do you not have a PR person to help you recognize situations in which you should probably just shut the fuck up?

You an ol’ gilbert lookin’ ass muthafucka.

Not only is it telling of you as a man that you’d try to pick on and hurt a woman for no gawd damn reason, but also telling of you as a Black man that you’d tried to further degenerate a Black woman when the world itself already holds Black women to the fire on everything from being too angry, too masculine, too independent, too dark, and a whole list of other attributes that would ironically be favorable in every other demographic.

You are the worse kind of a man.

You are an even worse kind of person.

And God knows I wouldn’t wish death on anyone…

…but I DO hope with every last fiber of my being that you eat a bad container of egg salad and the shit comes out of your ass so hot, creamy, and acidic that you gotta wipe your ass with a paper towel smeared in “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”

I hope you go grocery shopping and get the most fucked up cart  in the entire store – the cart that has the wobbly front wheel and veers off to the right no matter how hard you keep it straight – witcho punk ass.

I hope you order rings from Burger King and they run outta zesty sauce.

Most of all, I hope your beautiful ass  daughter never has to deal with her being shamed by another Black man when he should shield her from the coldness of the world. I hope your daughter never has to deal with confronting a wack ass nigga like you.

Lupita may not be everyone’s perfect 10, but she’s far from ugly. And light years away from being anywhere near as unattractive as your serpent-faced ass.

His Zayness.

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About Halsted Jones

I'm a #Writer not a fighter ■ Joyously kicking down pillow forts on my quest to do the write thing.

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